Monday, May 30, 2011

Hamburgers and Life......sigh

I'm a simple kind o' guy, you know what I'm sayin'?  Easy to please, don't ask for much, happy to be here.  But, occasionally something important comes around and I gotta say somethin' even if I know I'll regret it.

Hamburgers, for instance.  I think most guys would agree that a  good hamburger is something to speak out about.   I have seen some serious fist fights over the quality of a burger.  And rightly so, too, because when God gave us the hamburger He expected us to protect His gift by always assuring that it is made correctly.

Now, you take this morning, for example.  Yours truly left the house early so I could work out at the spa before the rush.  I come home hungry and tired.  Woman says she will make me a hamburger.  I should insert here that woman can definitely cook and anything she prepares will taste very good.

But consider this, dear friends in Bloggerland:  a burger that cannot be eaten by holding it in your hands is less than what God intended. 

Yes, Cindy brings me a hamburger that is lovely to look at and enticing in its aroma.  But, the minute my hands lift it from the plate, with my salivary glands working full throttle, and my anticipation of the wonderful flavors of smoky meat, crisp bun, mustard, tomato and onion pushing me to heights of gastronomical giddiness, the light pressure of my fingers against the bun causes the overstacked creation to spurt apart, the onion going one way, the tomato and lettuce the other, mayo and mustard being deposited on my new workout shirt, my fingers now slimy with the vast deposits of wetness from the innards of the object of my affections.  In short, I am not a happy camper. 

Yes, my friends, my wife has repeatedly commited this unpardonable sin---overstacking the burger so that it must be eaten with knife and fork instead of two hands.

Of course, I felt it important to mention this faux pas to her.  I thought she would appreciate my input.  After all, I'm only trying to help her elevate her culinary skills.  I cannot repeat here what her response to me was, but suffice to say it appears I shall be doing my own cooking for a while.

13 comments:

  1. Yes, I love your "creative license". I hope you like "sliders", they should work better for you. Thin little burgers with onions and mustard. You won't need a fork with them or have delicious juices getting on your clothing. he he

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  2. Stay away from burgers,
    They are not working for you (either way)!!!
    Greetings
    Monika

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  3. ha ha! i've been there. grilled onions and mayo usually are the culprits, but O So Good!

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  4. Yum yum yum yum yum
    I love Hamburgers, and yes! They may be as high as skyscrapers.
    You have a good day
    Many greetings
    Inken

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  5. Only to eat with knife and fork, indead.
    Greetings Sabine

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  6. Wow, those burgers look amazing and I don't even eat them anymore. Treat them like spaghatti, ribs and lobster. Either enjoy the mess or break out the bib if a knife and fork diminishes the flavor. Bon a petite.
    Arkansas Patti

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  7. As Popeye's sidekick Wimpy said, "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday, for a hamburger today."
    No wimpy burgers for this gal. Pile em' up!
    Wishing you and Cindy a wonderful Memorial Day.

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  8. hahaha oy! Clint I think you might want to order a dog house for out back :) All this helpful advice can wear a lady down after a bit.

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  9. I hope your as good of a cook as she is.

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  10. Yup, never look a gift horse in the mouth. I assume you've been married longer than 10 minutes and just had a 'brain fart,' forgetting that no cook appreciates their hard-earned efforts to be 'critiqued' We had cheeseburgers for dinner just tonight -- and I definitely agree it's disturbing when you can't just eat it with your hands....but I wouldn't tell your wife that! Came over from Patty's blog...

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  11. Hi Clint -

    I was eager to finish your piece to say just what you stated at the end (smiles)

    "...but suffice to say it appears I shall be doing my own cooking for a while."

    I'm just saying, Clint...smiles again.

    Have a bun-filled adventure in your new kitchen.

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  12. Clint first I must say you are funny. Second do you think 8 am is to early for a hamburger? Looks yummy. B

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