I'm a simple kind o' guy, you know what I'm sayin'? Easy to please, don't ask for much, happy to be here. But, occasionally something important comes around and I gotta say somethin' even if I know I'll regret it.
Hamburgers, for instance. I think most guys would agree that a good hamburger is something to speak out about. I have seen some serious fist fights over the quality of a burger. And rightly so, too, because when God gave us the hamburger He expected us to protect His gift by always assuring that it is made correctly.
Now, you take this morning, for example. Yours truly left the house early so I could work out at the spa before the rush. I come home hungry and tired. Woman says she will make me a hamburger. I should insert here that woman can definitely cook and anything she prepares will taste very good.
But consider this, dear friends in Bloggerland: a burger that cannot be eaten by holding it in your hands is less than what God intended.
Yes, Cindy brings me a hamburger that is lovely to look at and enticing in its aroma. But, the minute my hands lift it from the plate, with my salivary glands working full throttle, and my anticipation of the wonderful flavors of smoky meat, crisp bun, mustard, tomato and onion pushing me to heights of gastronomical giddiness, the light pressure of my fingers against the bun causes the overstacked creation to spurt apart, the onion going one way, the tomato and lettuce the other, mayo and mustard being deposited on my new workout shirt, my fingers now slimy with the vast deposits of wetness from the innards of the object of my affections. In short, I am not a happy camper.
Yes, my friends, my wife has repeatedly commited this unpardonable sin---overstacking the burger so that it must be eaten with knife and fork instead of two hands.
Of course, I felt it important to mention this faux pas to her. I thought she would appreciate my input. After all, I'm only trying to help her elevate her culinary skills. I cannot repeat here what her response to me was, but suffice to say it appears I shall be doing my own cooking for a while.