Thursday, June 9, 2011

Guide For Men Who Have Cheated and Been Caught......

You have cheated on your wife and been caught red-handed.  You now have a problem.  She doesn't trust you any more.  You want to stay married to her, but you have really messed up your life and the  lives of others.  What to do?

Well, first of all, let us recognize the fact that you never thought you'd get busted.  But, as we have seen played out over and over year after year, getting caught is more the rule than the exception.  I mean, just look around at the high and mighty in our  society who have fallen---presidents, congressmen, professional athletes, governors, etc, etc, etc.

This situation begs for an instruction manual for guys who need to address the fact that they got caught with their hand in the proverbial cookie jar.

I have not had to look far to compile such a manual.  This manual comes from the many examples all around us.  Here is the preferred sequence of events:

1.  Deny, deny, deny.  Lie, lie, lie.  Claim that this is a misunderstanding.  Claim your account was hacked.  Claim you didn't write those e-mails or sext those pictures.  Claim it was all a joke.  Claim that the other woman is "just a good friend".  Claim that no one could actually think you could do such a thing.  Ask   what the meaning of "is" is.  When this strategy fails, go to step two.......

2.  Confess your mistake publicly.  Ask for forgiveness publicly.  Try to talk your wife into appearing beside you for support as you proclaim your repentance.  Buy your wife an expensive diamond ring.  Avow that this happened to you largely because the other woman came on to you and caught you in a moment of confused weakness, but certainly no one could think that the infidelity was actually anything more than a cheap and meaningless romp.

3.  Issue a written appeal to the public, something that goes like this:  Recently my family has suffered because of actions that I have taken.  I did something very wrong and I take full responsibility for it.  I have apologized to my wife and family and friends.  We ask that everyone honor our request for privacy at this difficult time.

4.  Lay low for a few weeks.  Cancel all public appearances.  Hope the furor blows over.  Ease back into your old routine.  Swear to yourself to be more careful next time.


  1. Being a man I have never cheated, but I have never cheated as a woman either. I kept my vows right to the Death Us Do Part.

    Have a good day Clint, enjoyed the post.

  2. Heh. I never cheated but was cheated on and it was more than say the least.

    I was hoping you would mention the jewelry. Then the wifey gets to be on tv flashing the bling and all the world sits to judge accordingly. Because, you know, zillion dollar jewelry makes up for a romp in the sack with someone else. Blech.

  3. That story just keeps getting repeated doesn't it?
    Think you are sadly right with that last sentence. It is not a desire to do better but a desire to be better at getting away with it.
    Arkansas Patti

  4. Wow Clint we have heard this one many times. Sad political statements. B

  5. You forgot the important step -go to rehab, it fixes everything ;)

  6. Jane is on the right track, it is a "disease" like all the other addictions and rehab will fix it!

    (BTW ... since you have all the answers, don't get any bright ideas!)

  7. ha ha! laughing at cindy's caution. :)

    humans are dreadful beings...

  8. There is a site out there that promotes infidelity. "Life is short. Have an affair." This is what it comes to now?

  9. "I did not use a Government Blackberry or Laptop to do those things"
    which means I am off the hook??

  10. Man, you've been warned by none other than The Wife.

    But seriously now, this is a malady, and it leads to our nation's downfall and downward spiral.

    I am happy to be have read back the five new posts you have written since I last commented.

    Your new hairdo suits you, it really does. I had to laugh at your line, "I was beginning to look like a charity case..." that was hilarious.

    Enjoy Tennessee... you and Cindy are obviously having a great time.


  11. what a distraction those celeb cheatings are. don't even get me started!

  12. I'm not sure if any woman would accept this Guide.

    Perhaps you can forgive, but forget???

    Greetings to you

  13. HA! I have been on the receiving end & you've got it exactly right...lie lie lie, deny deny deny! Say it was a "joke", blame the other woman, then lavish the current wife with gifts & do your best to make her feel warm & fuzzy till she stops thinking about it!

    You need to add:
    "Never let the wife and the other woman compare notes"
    If the two 'meet' then ALL the lies will be brought out in the open & oh boy is it fun when that happens!

    Amazing...I'm glad you, as a man, posted this because I don't feel so bad about being a "man-hater"...and it's this type of man that I'm referring to, which most likely encompasses 95% of the world's population of those running around with a 'Y' chromosome. Just sayin.

    I feel certain that Cindy is safe with you!
    I'm going to share a link to this just for principal!!

  14. You nailed it Clint! It's a pattern we've all seen to many times :-(

  15. It seems that the more people get successful in life they seem to think themselves above the laws of both God, and man. Someone should make a recording of the excuses so that it could be played when caught. Those caught seem incapable of thinking and this would make it a lot easier.

  16. This is an interesting post. I'm Canadian and currently visiting in the States. The other day I was having a conversation with a local resident and I was asked why we don't have sex scandals in Canada. My response: "I'm sure we do, it's just not newsworthy anymore; that and it could potentially cause another election."
    We have way too many elections to begin with and the price tag of an election will send Canada into the poorhouse if they continue to call elections every 18 months.

    I'll have to show this post to my boyfriend so he has all the information covered just encase! lol