Selling a Home! Aaarrrgghhhh!!!!

One of the craziest, darndest, most inconvenient, hair-pullingest, funniest events in life is the sale of one's home. Yes, when one decides to sell their home, one decides to become slightly psychotic for a while.

Most people---like me---are quite emotionally involved with their place of residence. They live their lives there. They eat, sleep, socialize, and much more in the confines of their home. Naturally, where we live becomes a special part of who we are as individuals. Deciding to sell that residence is a huge step---parting with a part of oneself.

Then, there is the decision of whom to choose as a realtor. Gotta be someone who can relate, be honest, communicate. If possible, it should be someone you can respect and LIKE. Getting all that in one package ain't easy.

Then you have to settle on a price. Can't be too high or you'll end up having to lower the price at a later date after going through months of showings. Can't be too low or you'll "leave money on the table".

Then, when the "For Sale" sign goes up in the front yard, expect lots of questions from friends and family and neighbors---"Why are you moving?" "Where are you moving?" "If you're going to have a yard sale, can we come have first pick?"

Then, the fun begins...NOT. The realtor calls beforehand to schedule an appointment. Normally, these fine folks give themselves a 2 hour window, say, from 3:00---5:00. So you leave the house at 3:00 and return at 5:15, but you don't know for sure if the realtor showed up or not. They no longer leave their business card as a courtesy to the home owner. Typically, around 5:30 the doorbell rings and there is the realtor---the guy couldn't even hit a two-hour window. So, just when you were gettin' comfortable with your gin & tonic, you got folks walkin' through the premises, looking at your books in the bookcase, examining the artwork on the walls and generally looking at most everything EXCEPT the house. This goes on day after day.

Some days there is no activity. Other days there are several showings. I was in the pool naked the other day when the realtor called and said she was at the front door with a customer---could they come in? I no longer go to the pool au naturale.

But no matter---every day until you get a contract, you must keep the home clean and well lit. Pool must sparkle. Kitchen must be spotless. Naturally, all this unnatural cleanliness can make for a little bit of friction between the wife and me. We almost never exchange "words", but occasionally tension can be detected in the air. Someone suggested divorce as a solution. I told them we do not believe in divorce.....murder, yes; but not divorce.