Monday, September 26, 2011

Weddings.......and Funerals

Honestly, I don't know which is worse.

My first reaction is that weddings are (at least, should be) joyous occasions; and funerals are sad events.

After what these tired old eyes have seen over the years, I now see both weddings and funerals as downers.

In both, you have jealousies, pride, control issues, hurt feelings over the proper "pecking order" of attendees, etc, etc.

At  both, things of a hurtful nature are said that cannot be taken back. 

At both, large sums of money are often spent because of guilt or expectations of others.

When Cindy and I were planning on being married, we discussed where we should be married, when, whom to invite, etc.  After much discussion, we decided there would be too many hurt feelings over one petty thing or another.  Trying to please everyone was not gonna work---and all we really wanted was to be married.  We opted for a $25 wedding at the county courthose with no one else in attendance but the court judge.  We wouldn't trade that for the world.

And when we check out of this life, we will be cremated and our ashes buried together.   Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  An inexpensive memorial service would be nice if the relatives wish.  It's up to them.

What do you think?


  1. I coordinate funeral receptions for my church, and I always tell people it's a lot like planning a wedding reception except it has to happen with 24-48 hours and cost an awful lot less.

    I want to be buried, in witness to my sure and certain hope that I will be resurrected in both body and soul.

  2. You and I have talked about this subject for some time now. I remember when we were planning our wedding the red flags started appearing immediately. I remember the woman at church that started giving us all kinds of advice, unwanted advice...of course like most advice. ☺

    Give me stress free anyday!

  3. i agree! they both have gotten way out of hand. weddings consume people, and though i grew up dreaming of being a bride, now i would never put john and myself through that stress.

    when i pass, i'd like people to rejoice that i've left the suffering of this world, and remember the good times they had with me.

    i actually want to be buried straight in the ground, like compost, so that i could enrich the soil and feed the critters and maybe some pretty flowers would grow above. is that legal?=)

  4. was just discussing the topic of cremation with a friend this weekend. absolutely. no muss; no fuss - no expensive internment in an environment-eating box.

    and weddings - we concentrate far too much on 'the day' and not on what comes afterwards...

  5. Clint after being married twice I don't think that I'm going to have to worry about another wedding! lol Mind you the way I am I don't know what I'm doing next week, never mind for the rest of my life. I do know that IF I ever get married again I want to go away to someplace romantic and tropical, do something silly like ride away into the sunset on a Harley, or better yet, his and her Harleys... now that would be a blast.

    A funeral, I'm thinking along the same lines you are.

    Your post has me going back to the age old question, why do people do what people do? In this case ego or power and control? Mind you I believe it's the ego that creates power and control which complicates lives so much.

    Now maybe I'm ready to start thinking and get working on these papers. Thanks for the kick start.

    Have a great day!

  6. I had a church wedding (though I lost my voice)when it came to the speechless!
    All friends and relations came but we had a small reception. My dear departed husband was cremated and his ashes scattered in the crematorium the otherside of his memorial urn, so when I place flowers I know the lawn behind the urn is his final resting place feels good.

  7. hmmm my wedding day was one of the best days of my life.... I would do it again... It wasn't real expensive...but then it was almost 39 years ago... They can bury me in a pine box...but I don't want to be burned...when I'm dead they can do what they want:)

  8. I have never been one for ceremonies of any kind - so you know what I think about weddings. As far as the funeral, it is really for those left behind. I am really undecided on this one. My daughter has a container of dog ashes in her room. Doesn't set right with me.

  9. My tuppence worth :)

    Weddings are a joyous occasion usually - however I see so often who can have the biggest and best Wedding, the best Wedding Dress and so on.
    Marriage is not about all of that.
    Then if a second Marriage etc., that can be a sticky one.

    Funerals are a celebration of ones life & going to live with God in Heaven (hopefully).
    Buried or Cremated is a personal choice.
    However, I have seen and heard the nasties as most of us have at both these occasions, Weddings/Funerals.
    I just don't know how some people can be what I call so petty, but that's people, their nature,
    nasty and greedy...ah!
    No wonder there are family feuds.

    I am extremely fortunate, I have never had to deal personally with any of these issues in my life....but as I said I have seen, heard and listened and grinned :)

    Parents have passed on, no arguing etc. it brought my husbands family closer.
    My mum passed on, no arguing etc..
    Youngest sister in law's first marriage broke up when she remarried a few years later we all accepted her new husband including her children by her first husband....all children from both marriages are one big happy family. We all get together about once a year at the beach house, some of these people come from all over Australia.

    I do believe I am very blessed to have such a wonderful family :) which I married into long ago. I am certain it will remain that way - because of the way I am -.

  10. I aggree with you...the best way to say goodbye from the world.

    I want to be cremated too, and the ash blowing in the wind.

    ...and marry...I think I am not going to marry again. But if, there will be no party...just a honeymoon.


  11. Simple and short is always sweet.

  12. Well as you know we got married three times to bastiaan, as you might know ;-) and i would do it again in a heartbeat. I have never been buried so i can't tell you about that... hehe

    I think it doesn't matter whatever floats your partner boats i guess.

    Hope you have a good week

  13. I love the way you think putting on a production for our wedding and the funeral seems to frivolous to imagine, Simple is best. B

  14. Those elaborate weddings don't hold a marriage together any better than a $25.00 one does. If I ever do it again, simple will be the decor.
    Arkansas Patti

  15. Hi Clint -

    There is such an assortment of ways to do it.
    It boils down to what works for each couple...