Whew!.......

The ordeal is over.  Let us cut to the chase:  Doc says I'm fine.  Wants me to come back for another colonoscopy in 5---7 years.  Praise Jesus.  I can live with that (literally).

So the bottom line is this---went 42 hours without anything but liquids.  Not eating makes me irritable (wife says I'm that way whether I've eaten or not), gives me light headaches and produces a gnawing, hollow clawing in my stomach.  I can only eat so many cans of chicken broth, bottles of 7-UP and banana popsicles.


Two Large Bottles of This Mixed with 64 Ounces of Gatorade

 But the kicker was the 48 ounces of laxative I drank on Tuesday night and then repeated at 5:00 AM on Wednesday before my 10:00 procedure was scheduled.  Darn near killed me.  Of course, I am the first to admit that I am a baby in situations like this and require lots of sympathy and attention. 

Two of These the Night Before and Two in the Morning

Anyhoo, Cindy drove me to the clinic.  The staff was truly phenomenal.  The nurses and doctors were just outstanding---professional, knowledgeable, experienced and CLASSY. 

I was wheeled in to the procedure room, hooked up to all kinds of monitors, and reassured about what was going to be done.  Then, the nurse anesthetist leaned over and whispered, "G'night, Clint". 

"G'night", I replied.  I was only out 25 minutes.  Don't remember a thing.  No pain at all. 

This Is How It Looks

They wheeled me to recovery.  Did I want an additional blanket?  "Why, yes", I said, "that would be nice."  The blanket they   brought me had been preheated.  Verrry nice.

My Doctor---He Was Great!

The doc appeared.  Nice guy.  We chatted.  Basically, I'm healthy as a horse.  He showed me some pics he had taken of my innards.  Not real pretty, but I'm more a fan of outdoor landscapes.  Gave me copies to keep in my files. 

One of Cindy's Favorite Spots for Lunch, But I hated It

Cindy took me to a favorite place of hers to eat---Ali Baba's on Kingston Pike.  I had never been there before.  She had the specialty, a falafel, which I noticed she devoured with gusto.  I had a Reuben.  It was the worst sandwich I had ever attempted to eat.  Watery, salty as hell, tough bread. Had to hold it with napkins to keep from getting soaked.  I asked for a fork and knife but they don't have any at this establishment.  Had to find the bathroom.  This was an ongoing problem all day.

Cindy Said Her Falafel Was Wonderful

Then Cindy wanted to go to Fresh Market.  Had to find the BR there, as well.  Two more stops, and then we headed home (thank God).

Nice Selection of Foods---and a Very Nice Restroom, as Well...

The ordeal was over.  I slept like a baby last night---11 hours.

Conclusion:  If you are over 50, please get a colonoscopy.  Colon cancer is almost entirely preventable with early detection.  Yes, you will have to force yourself out of your comfort zone for 42 hours.  But think about how much better that is than dying a slow, miserable death.

It's THAT Time Again.......

A few years ago I made a sales call on a new client.  As I spoke with him on the phone for the first time, I asked him if he would like to have lunch.  He agreed.

I drove to his office to pick him up, and when I arrived, he was ready to go.  I met him in person for the first time in the foyer of his place of business.  I judged him to be a man of about 50 years of age.  He had a satchel slung over his shoulder.  As we exchanged a handshake, I told him to just leave his satchel in his office.

He said to me, "I can't---it's my chemo."

He noticed the quizzical look on my face and explained that he had been diagnosed with colon cancer and was having to take continuous chemotherapy.  His satchel contained a pump and his medication, which was being infused into his bloodstream on a continuous basis.

He told me he was terminal.  They thought he might have two years to live.  He said he was advised several years previous to have a colonoscopy, but he put it off.  He said he felt fine.  By the time he began experiencing problems, it was too late.

Well, tomorrow is my colonoscopy date.  But actually, today is the hardest part.  To prepare my intestines for the procedure, I must go all day without eating anything except clear liquids---broth, clear juice, soft drinks, etc.  This is also designed to put me in a foul mood.  I love to eat!

Then, tonight at 6:00, I must drink 48 ounces of liquid with laxatives.  This is designed to keep me up all night while reigning on the throne. 

Tomorrow morning at 5:00, I have to drink another 48 ounces of laxatives to completely blow out what is left of my bowels.  Great.  All of this is meant to clear me out so the doc can see what is going on inside Clint.

Cindy will drive me to the clinic in the morning.  I will be asked to strip naked and put on one of those really fashionable robes that fasten in the back.  I will be led to the OR, where a friendly and knowledgeable nurse will talk to me in soothing tones as she places a tube where it will do the most good.

Then, I will be given a general anesthesia.  Goodnight, Clint.  Immediately after I have become unconscious, the stupid robe I am wearing will be removed and I will be naked as a jay.  Not that anyone cares, mind you, for in the OR, there is no such thing as modesty.  Ha.

Then the doc will snake a tube with a camera in it up my innards to see what's happenin' in there.  If polyps are found, they will be removed painlessly.  Pictures will be taken.  Not the kind you would want to frame and hang on your living room wall, but they do provide the doc with some evidence.

Afterward, the results of the ordeal will be discussed with me.  Hopefully, nothing untoward will be discovered and I will be told to come back for another colonoscopy in five to seven years.

Colon cancer is one cancer that can be almost entirely avoided by early detection.  And the colonoscopy is the procedure of choice.  Colonoscopies are troublesome and inconvenient.  But I do not want to wear a satchel as I die from a cancer that could have been avoided.

So I hope everyone enjoys a good, hearty dinner tonight!  I'll definitely be thinkin' 'boutcha'!