Marriage.......

I drank my coffee and read the paper this morning; and then, as   usual, I felt a gnawing in my gut that signaled the onset of hunger pangs. 

Without even thinking, I arose and ventured to the fridge.  Peering inside, I spied a container of homemade tuna salad---there was just enough remaining to be used in the construction of a sandwich.  Perfect, I thought to myself.

I found the mayo in the back of the fridge, hiding from me as it always does.  Now, all I needed was two decent slabs of bread, and breakfast would be complete.

But......where the heck was the bread?  It wasn't in the pantry.  It could not be found on the countertops. 

Then, it hit me---throughout our marriage, the bread has been a point of contention. 

Woman believes (she got this from her momma) that bread should be stored in the freezer.  That's right---every time you want some bread, you gotta go to the freezer, find the loaf that is, of course, unusable because it is a frozen solid mass, remove it, pry two pieces of bread from the mass, being careful to not break any of it in its brittle state, place the two slabs in the microwave for 20 seconds (or in the toaster for two minutes), and then return the bread to either the freezer or the pantry.  NOTE:  if you decide to put the bread in the pantry, you will find that the bread will thaw and become soggy.

Now, to me---a simple man with a simple outlook---bread should not be kept in the freezer unless it will not be used for a long period of time.  But I use bread all the time---sandwiches are a quick and easy way to satisfy one's hunger. 

But, my wife has this deeply ingrained neurotic insistence on placing the bread in the freezer.  This, I have determined, has its roots in her upbringing, where her momma practiced this odd behavior.  I checked with Cindy's sister, Patti, and found that she, too, has a freezer fetish for her bread.  Apparently, this condition has no remedy.  After all these years of marriage, I have been unable to change her behavior in this regard.

So, I guess you can say that I am now "trained".  I made my sandwich and then put the bread back in the freezer.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.....

Marriage.......

Today, class, we shall discuss the institution of marriage.  It really is a deep and fascinating subject.  No, this blog post will not attempt to go deeper than the surface, but that should be more than enough to get a response or three.  I mean, everyone has an opinion on the topic!

Cindy and Me at the Local Courthouse Eight Years Ago.  The Judge Just Married Us.  The Picture Quality is Poor, But We Didn't Care.

My experience with marriage has taught me this:  You had better really know what you want in a mate, and you had better REALLY KNOW HIM/HER before you get to the "I do" stage.

Ah---to quote Shakespeare---there's the rub.  What seems like a slam-dunk decision can be deceptive.  You meet someone and they are intelligent, handsome, fastidious, educated, funny, able to hold down a good job, can make decisions, and make your hormones flow.  On the surface, after a few dates, this individual appears to be a possible catch.

I have learned that decisions based on a high hormone level are not usually very good.  No, I have found that TIME is the most important ally in decision making. 

In the case of Cindy and me, we wanted at all costs to be able to say we really knew each other before we married.  Now, the only way we knew to really do that was to live together for a while and see first hand how we responded over time.

We decided to give it a year, and then make our decision.  This approach worked very well for us, although we knew it was not approved by our religion.

After about nine months of living together and seeing each other in all types of situations, we made commitments to each other.  It was the perfect way for us to know what we were getting into. 

The next decision, which we had, of course, been talking about, was WHERE and HOW to get hitched.  We discussed our church, of course---that was an obvious consideration; but there was a problem of who to invite and the distinct possibility that we would be pressured to do things and invite certain folks we did not want present.

So then, we discussed Las Vegas.  If we had our wedding there, we could be pretty much assured that we could control who attended and we could have a memorable time as well.  But, Vegas involved spending more time and money than we wanted to spend.

We discussed other possibilities, also.  In the end, however, we decided all that was important to either of us was being married to each other.

Cindy Today

On a memorable Friday afternoon in late June, Cindy donned a nice dress and I put on a suit, and we went to the county courthouse.  We were married by a judge in a private ceremony in one of the courtrooms.  It cost $25.  We were elated.

Me Today

On the way home, we made phone calls to our mothers and other relatives announcing the joyous news.  Our ceremonial meal was a stop at a Mexican restaurant where we made goo-goo eyes at each other over chile rellenos and tacos.  Now, that's a marriage worth having!

Internet Relationships

He had been in a 30+ year relationship that had steadily deteriorated over many years.  There was counseling.  There were many discussions and agreements between he and his wife about what should be done to remedy the problems.  These agreements never worked out.

His parental role was eroded.  The children were acting out.  The marriage was in trouble.

He finally had to make a decision---should he remain in a bad marriage and stay financially stable? Or should he leave and experience life as he suspects God wants?  Shakespeare's line repeatedly came into his mind---  "To be or not to be...."

Finally, after years of introspection and agony, he saw a lawyer.  He filed for divorce.  The children were grown and they understood the situation, even if they were not happy about it.

He moved into a rental home.  He worked his job.  He came home to an empty home, but there was a peace about it that was comforting.  Months passed.  The divorce was final.  He was at peace.

One night he was feeling lonely.  He went on-line to a pen pal website.  He posted this ad:

"SWM, 55, seeks lady for pen pal".

The next day, there were 15 E-Mails from across the country, from women wanting to correspond.  He answered about three of them---the ones with the best, most well thought out messages.  The ones with proper grammar and punctuation.

He finally decided one of the three was really the most appealing to him, so he began writing to her daily.  He looked forward to her daily letters.  He was becoming attracted to her, and it felt good to know that it seemed she felt the same way about him.

After a couple of months, they exchanged photographs.  He spent the day fretting over whether her picture would be as attractive as he had pictured her in his mind.  He later found out that she had spent the day worrying over the same thing.

When he saw her picture, he was pleased to know that she was just as beautiful as he had imagined.

They decided to meet for dinner.  She brought pictures of her life to share.  He was falling in love.

And that, my friends, is how I met my wife.  We have been married almost 8 years, and I have been happier than I could ever have imagined.  All because I was lonely one evening and thought I wanted a pen pal.  I got a wife instead.